nobody but you

this is one the of pics that i super love in my pic folder. kei sheng in 2005, with this 'harry potter' specs that my parents liked on him, that big elephant ears and big smile. 4 years passed and he is like my bodyguard now next to me. and then suddenly the baby has facebook! haha was tagging his pics and saw this. is it possible to miss home even if i have only left 8 hours ago?

sun rays

i wanna have a bubble gun and blow happy rainbow-coloured bubbles and pop them with my little finger and see you laugh and lie down on a huge flower bed and daydream in the blue skies and eat ice cream till my tummy bursts :( hehe, by the way, being at home totally rocks! beats being in vista a freaking million times. home is really where the ♥ is. but the whether is really really cold, isnt it? i ve been wearing socks for the past 3 days. hehe, makes me feel like a baby.

blowing bubbles in the open field

so right now, i m at home after 2 weeks of being at vista and all the crazy intense studying. had a paper today and an exam 2 days ago. but it is not over yet. will be having the great finals on the 7th, 8th, 9th and 10th. and just yesterday, i was taking out all the notes for the 7 systems and was thinking, oh man, this is not gonna be easy! and in two weeks!! haha but nvm i m still grateful :) chin nam has been super-supportive, and constantly throwing bits and pieces of info into my already crammed memory space but then again, thank you! hehe. his exam is coming up next week, but thank goodness i dont have to worry too much about him. this whole week has been one of the hardest, sometimes just couldnt take it and i ll be like 'i surrender!!' yeah, not giving up, but sometimes i just surrender to whatever that comes my way and just do my best, even though i do not like the student that i have become today ["cram, cram, cram! no time, cram! dont understand? skip it! no time!"] hahaha. and when i say cram, its like 3 sytems in 10 days, ok? anyway, these past few nights have been so so so cold :( my feet is icy icy cold :( and i keep ha-chi! till my nose turns red :( :( cold! :( i need either hot chocolate or just super tight hugs! hehe but my super blanket is love!

out of grace, gratitude, hope and love

picture credit : deviantArt

hope can be learned with practice. certain attitudes support it. one is patience, an ability to tolerate delays, a willingness to let events unfold in their own time. the other is courage, an attitude of confidence even when facing the unknown. the third is persistence, the determination to keep going no matter what happens.

♥

gray matter

Christopher Reeve and his cervical spinal injury :

Reeve considered suicide. He mouthed to Dana, "maybe we should let me go." She tearfully replied, "I am only going to say this once: I will support whatever you want to do, because this is your life, and your decision. But I want you to know that I'll be with you for the long haul, no matter what. You're still you. And I love you." and Reeve never considered suicide as an option again.

Dana Reeve loved to ride horses. In 2005, she told Larry King: "I rode my whole life, and after Chris had his accident, I stopped riding, primarily because he loved it so much, and I think it really would have been painful for him if I was going off riding and he wasn't able to."

CNS is insane but heartwarming stories like this makes me :)

vanilla twilight

picture credits : tumblr

because i m treating this blog as my personal space for expression, i need to let this out too. you know what i m struggling with the most right now? keeping lab matters and studies as two different affairs and not let either one affect my focus. its driving me crazy. ok keili, lab is lab, worry in the lab, scold, curse, stomp your feet in the lab but do not bring it to your room and affect your concentration when you study your notes. grrh. nowadays i m full of angst and frustration, and really, it has nothing to do with the exams. sometimes i do want to be mean, scold some people, tell them off, scream, shout and let the emotions all out so that i do not have to keep it in me. but i m a good girl :) gosh, being a good girl is tiring HAHHA. chin nam calms me down by stroking my back, telling me to not be angry and everything's gonna be okay. but inside, i really just want to run barefoot to his car, go to the backseat and curl up like a baby and sleep. its crazy but my only sweet escape now is the 'disco car'. it gives me a huge sense of security.

he told me to save my respect for the paramedics and the nurses, not doctors. not dentists. and that doctors are not greater than dentists too. but whatever it is, now whenever i see medical students, i just want to shake them out of their little minds and.. i dont know, just let them know. i think this whole miniseries of debate in my head is driving me nuts. after 2 years of dental studies, i ve only come to realise that i am really, still just so small.

hot air balloon

i ll suffocate from this thought of mine if i dont blog about it today. you know how we dental students, i presume, take pride in choosing the right course, one that almost guarantee very good working life and despite being one of the most busy people here in imu, we still take pride in it. but seriously, if you think out of that little oral cavity, out of that 2mm x 1.5mm x 4mm cavity that we drill using our high speeds and think out of teeth and pulps and gingiva, we are really nothing compared to what the medical people are doing. like seriously, we get all fussed up with pulp and pulp and pulp, we save pulps, we dont want pulps to die but how about heart failure, cancer, renal failure, respiratory problems. how bout stuff that impact people more? we get all frustrated when the world dont recognise us, dont allow us to be part of the emergency team, we frown and demand for a reason, we think we are all qualified. but the truth is, we are nothing compared to medical doctors who are dealing with diseases. dental professionals are dealing with something so special and unique, but we are nothing great. the medical doctors are the real deal.and with this, i m getting all angry inside. who freaking cares about unsupported enamel when they are people who really really need HELP? we study the biological sciences of the body, but ultimately we dont save lives, doctors save lives, we save teeth.

and no, i m not saying this because i have an exam tmoro.

on another note, today's emergency preparedness lecture is awesome, i dont really care about the content, i m just glad i laughed today.

sun shines through the rain

sixpence none the richer - kiss me, the carpenters - close to you, the bangles - eternal flame : songs played in the cafe. absolutely LOVE those small little places with yummy-to-the ear songs.

happy 17th ♥

the tide is high, but i m holding on -  atomic kitten :)

instant mood lifter 11.1

okay, i ve been meaning to share every single thing that are instant pick-me-ups to me, so here we go again :)michael buble omg :) he flirts with the camera okay. pay attention at 0.41. haha he did the same 'pretend shy shy and smile' in his 'everything' video too :) :) ahhhhh, omg my heart melts into a pool of goo. and the girl in the video i think is his actual girlfriend :( hahaha. OMG I WANT HIM.

haha. sorry chin nam. hee hee. anyway, one more paper down! was thinking, ah finally i can relax, until mom called and sort of reminded me that my next paper is next TUESDAY. oh man :(

旋律

dr saad surprised us all debaters with gifts from dr hanan, dr. muneer and himself after lecture today :) love it so so much. it is now smack right in front of me to serve as a reminder. even the blue wrapper is sho nicee :) was thinking how blessed i am and how thankful i should really be, amidst stressful times, there are still SO many happy-fying stuff surrounding me. really, i already feel like i can fly in the skies without wings. yesterday was a short but super happy-fying, because carrefour had SO many free food and drinks sample, i basically went amok like a crazy pasar woman there. and chin nam was like standing there 'admiring' me with a smirk. haha. and a simple lucky draw can instantly pull my mood up like crazy. and chin nam and his 'songs with beats'. he calls his car the 'pimp car' cos the songs are crazy hahaha. and also dinner today, sharing SUPER embarassing stories of our lives that really made my stomach cramp. it was a good laugh. and happy stuff really really do not come with a price :)

"some things in this life cannot be make up for sale and it is health" - my debate closing speech. and i say happy moments cannot be bought too :)

just had a paper this morning. another one this wednesday. 2/10 of the marathon. i m in my full spirits, and absolutely determined not to let a single thing bring me down.

earfood : 旋律 - Rynn Lim [take a listen!]

♥

pressed but not crushed

never really did despise the fact that i have to study so much for the exam, but today so :( really wanted to go to chin nam's friend's BBQ party :( :( :( but omg study has to be my top priority :( so i m having vege (lots of it), 2 minislices of pork, 3 minislices of chicken and egg for dinner, instead of chicken wings, chicken wings, chicken wings and BANANA CHOC cake :( more reason to dont like exams :( deprive me of good oily food. i dont like (really refraining from using the word hate) it when something's stopping me from enjoying myself :( really wanted to go back home too :( but oh mm gee semester 4 is crazy. okay, keili, just bear with it :(

these few days have been as if i m living to study, the heart is screaming for fun fun fun :) like going to nice places with chin nam for a proper dinner, WITHOUT rushing through the food and going home to study :( like watching a movie, and then another movie,  and sleeping till the afternoon sun wakes me up. but anyway, really thank goodness for wonderful friends, chin nam and my understanding mommy (haha sometimes she really do sound worried for me). keeps me sane. today's csu was kinda funny haha, 3 girls sitting on a bed like a row of kindergarten children. haha and oh chin nam, having fun being different personalities haha. and in cf, it made me just wanna burst out laughing because chin nam always have uncoordinated claps HAHAH. like, normal ppl '1, 2 *clap*, 1, 2 *clap*, but he just swings his arms and claps with NO rhythm. hahaa.

"you're my princess."

"and you're my butler!"

"wooh! rawr!"

"er, not gerald butler, but the real butler butler!"

"..oh.."

HAHA.

ok, those of you who doesnt know. he likes gerald butler ok. phantom of the opera. king leonidas. THIS.IS.SPARTAAA. *kicks some person into the well* HAHA

♥ you

no retreat, no surender - 300